Why You Can’t Quit Porn

Can’t quit porn? You’re not alone. How can millions of people be so opposed to viewing porn, yet find it nearly impossible to stop using it? What makes porn a compulsive behavior and why is quitting so hard even after suffering consequences? Read this article and be encouraged – you have every reason to stay on this journey to become porn resilient.

Can’t Quit Porn? Get to the Root Issues

Discouraged and beaten, you’re hitting up google for more answers after suffering through another relapse. You’re frustrated because you’ve tried it all and you still can’t quit porn. You’ve opened up to some guys at church, you’ve installed all the internet blockers and filters, and you even went to see a local counselor, but things just don’t seem to be getting much better.

If you’ve been here, you’re not alone. Statistics are showing that porn use among Christians and other religious groups aren’t much different than the population as a whole (some research has indicated it’s possibly worse). But there’s no need to rely on statistics – all we need to do is look around us to get a grasp of the situation. It would appear as if there’s a virus going around, one that’s making Christian men awfully clumsy these days. I think you know what I mean – men are constantly ‘stumbling’ and ‘falling’ when they talk to accountability partners. It’s everywhere, and it can seem like a constant, relentless battle.

If you or someone you love has been struggling with a porn habit for years, it’s only natural to start wondering if you will ever be able to quit. Can it really be beaten? Can it really be ‘over with’ someday? 

The truth is, many men continue coming back to pornography, even after they’ve suffered terrible consequences for it in their lives. Even after being discovered, and even if it’s putting stress and strain on their relationship with their spouse or family – still, it persists. All the while, they’re getting less sleep and underperforming at work. This leaves us with a tough question…

If It’s Possible to Quit Porn, Why is It so Hard to Overcome?

Why is it so hard to quit porn? It’s an essential question every man struggling must answer. There’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, I firmly believe this question is best answered for each individual on a case by case basis. Here’s why – pornography offers each person something different, and everyone is attracted to different things.

Consider this – different people are attracted to different types and genres of porn. Have you ever asked yourself why? Each person has their own unique history, pains, fears, and desires that play into their arousal template. While there’s some advice about quitting porn that can be applied universally to everyone, there’s also much strategy that can be applied depending on the individual struggling with porn and their unique circumstances surrounding it. 

If you can first come to a more complete understanding of why you can’t quit porn then the foundation can be laid for recovery and for finding the freedom and control over it you’ve been wanting for so long. But understand that finding the root cause of your behaviors with porn may not be so simple.

At the surface, you watch porn because it taps into an enormous high that feels good to your brain. Porn taps into your natural circuitry that rewards sex and reproduction, acting as a supernormal stimulus (see our article on dopamine and pornography addiction here). But beneath the surface, your reasons for using porn can look very different from others who are trying to quit.

We must learn to dig deeper into our self-awareness when it comes to our sexual fantasies and desires. The long-term root cause of your porn issue isn’t simply the good chemical feeling your brain gets from it. Porn isn’t simply a problem. It’s a solution to your real problems, and you have to discover what solution it’s offering you.  

If there’s one thing I could get across in this blog post it’s that YOU are not the problem, and porn isn’t even necessarily ‘the problem’ in the way you’ve been thinking about it.  It’s just a really bad solution for your deeper pains and desires in your life, and it’s trying to substitute in the place of healthy, normal things.

Now, understanding the root of your problem and discovering what porn has been a solution FOR in your life may already seem apparent to you… but if you’ve been struggling for a long time with this, be open to the fact that it may not be. It might take a personal journey to understand why this habit has been so hard to break, and this is something you’ll have to get curious about, take your time, and explore as you learn more from our blog and other resources here at Reclaimed. 

Above all, have compassion on yourself. Be kind to yourself. We all have to grow through what we go through, and there’s no testimony without a test. We’re all people in need of change helping people in need of change. If you’re too hard on yourself about this, it will only produce more shame and cause you to spiral downward. Take a moment to forgive yourself for getting into this mess. Then, make a plan of action and get ready to do some work. Quitting porn ain’t gonna be easy, but in the process of doing it you could become someone far more confident, capable, and mature.

As we wrap up this article, just remember that YOU were wonderfully and fearfully made as a being totally free from pornography. You were not born into this world looking at porn, and it’s totally possible for you to return to this state of living porn-free. Perhaps the real reason why haven’t been able to quit is because you haven’t had the right information and you haven’t found the right community with the right system in place to help.

Welcome to Reclaimed.

We’re so glad you’re here, and we hope you’ll check out our other resources including our podcast (the Reclaimed Recovery Podcast), our private app, and our E-book on the 5 Essential Shifts to Porn Recovery. 

If you enjoyed this blog post, check out our next one where we talk about some of the common root causes of a porn habit in more detail. 

Til then, believing in you, 

– Kolton