Near Her Door

Is ‘coming close’ to watching porn but not watching it outright still acceptable? In this guest post by Ben, he will lay out some practical things you can do that will start making a difference right now in your struggle against pornography, and he also shares some wisdom found in the book of Proverbs related to lust and adultery. 

Near Her Door

How do you envision victory over temptation? Sometimes we may have the idea that victory only means you are strong enough to look sin in the face and say “no!” I heard one person say, “I will know I am victorious when I can be in a room full of porn and not look at it!” While this is a great goal to work towards, we should also be realistic with ourselves and be careful to avoid a prideful attitude that says, “I am strong enough to get close to porn and not fall.” Sometimes victory is found in the moments that we are confronted with sin and resist, but I believe that in many cases victory is found in seeking to keep sin far from us in the first place.

 Jesus taught us how to pray for victory, in Matthew 6:13 when he said, “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” In 1 Corinthians 10:13 we have a verse that is sure to be a favorite of many in Reclaimed. In this scripture we read that God is faithful to not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability. What an amazing truth! But let us not forget that this verse also speaks of the way of escape! God’s plan for us to be victorious over temptation is often one of escape and avoidance.

Consider the example of someone who might struggle with an addiction to alcohol. We would hope and pray that such a person would get to a point where they could have access to alcohol and still say “no” to it. While this is the goal, often they must start at a place of cutting off access to the temptation to allow for time to grow. And even an alcoholic who has been sober for a long time would probably find it unwise to hang out in a bar for hours on end. It’s the same with our struggle against porn. We should never be ashamed or embarrassed to keep ourselves as far away from the temptation as possible.   

In Proverbs 7 we read of a young man described as “lacking sense” (v. 7). This young man falls for what the author calls “the forbidden woman.” She is said to speak in “smooth words” and “seductive speech.” (v. 21). In chapter 6 we read that such women have desirable beauty and can capture your attention with a look (v. 25). When this young man meets the “forbidden woman” we read:

    “With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.” (Prov. 7:21–23 ESV)

When we examine this young man’s story in more depth we realize that his journey into sin begins before he ever meets this woman. Notice what is stated:

    “For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness.”(Prov. 7:6–9 ESV, emphasis added)

What is this young man’s first mistake? In great folly he makes the choice to “pass along the street near her house.” In Proverbs 5:8 we read of a warning that Solomon gave to his son, “Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.” In God’s great wisdom we learn that the first step in fighting temptation is to avoid temptation. 

Let’s put this in our modern context, how many of us have the experience of being triggered by something and we find ourselves sitting there staring at our phones or computer screens having an internal battle. Our hearts begin to race, our palms sweat, and we think about the ways we might access porn. We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t look at anything, but deep down we want to. While we should all strive to have the strength to do what is right in that moment, many of us can look at our experiences and admit that our success rate isn’t great. 

How much better would it be if we “kept our way far” from sin? While we must remember that we can never fully avoid temptation, at the same time we should not go looking for it. The young man in our story, made the choice to put himself in a tempting situation, and in his vulnerable state he lost the battle with sin. What if the battle took place before we got “near her door?” What if we viewed efforts to avoid temptation as just as much a victory as resisting the temptation when they arrived?

 How can we ensure that we are not going “near her door?” Once again, there is a great deal of things we can learn in these chapters of Proverbs. Let me share three things that I found in these scriptures that have helped me to “keep my way far from her.” 

Arm Yourself With Truth

One of the things that is pointed out in these proverbs is that the woman seems beautiful and compelling, but in the end she leads to death (7:21-23). The lie of Satan is that sexual sin is all fun, exciting, and fulfilling. The truth is that it leads to death!

Notice how often in these scriptures we are told to pursue things like wisdom, teachings, instruction (5:1-2; 6:20-23; 7:1-5). The first step in keeping ourselves far from temptation is to arm ourselves with God’s truth. This is why when we go through the Reclaimed 10 Week Journey we begin with establishing the right mindset through the Word of God. This will equip us to both avoid unnecessary temptations and to fight them when we do face them. 

Embrace Discipline 

 These verses often speak of the effectiveness of discipline. In 6:23 it says, “reproofs of discipline are the way of life.” Discipline shouldn’t just be viewed as punishment, but rather as training. Think of an athlete who is disciplined to work hard and condition his body. We must strive to be disciplined enough to keep ourselves far from temptation. 

We have probably all tried to to stop looking at porn by willpower alone and have failed. What I am suggesting is that we practice the discipline of good habits. Instead of simply saying, “I am not going to look at porn,” maybe we establish some other healthy disciplines to move us toward the direction of purity. For one person it may be that they avoid social media, for another it might be that they set up blocks on their devices to make porn harder to access. These things are not the ultimate solution, but they are an important step in ensuring that we don’t find ourselves “close to her door.”

Accept Help

Proverbs 5:12 tells us of what we might say after we have fallen into sin: “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof!” Reproof is a word that implies another person. It is a correction that we receive from someone else. Many of us know the importance of having someone we can confess our sins to, but just as important is having someone who can help us not to sin. Accountability is not just about confessing falls but is also about correcting our course. 

Imagine how the story of the foolish young man would have been different if he was with some other godly men. What if he had called for help from a brother? What if someone had told him, “don’t go near her door?” This story would have been very different if this young man had not despised the reproof that comes from godly accountability. 

Let’s be men who commit to doing everything we can to stay far away from sin. Let us heed to the words of Proverbs 5:8 “Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.