Stuck in a Rut

Getting stuck on pornography is the norm these days. In this article, guest writer Ben talks about practical ways to ‘unstuck’ yourself and get back on a journey of growth and healing. 

When You’re Stuck in a Rut

In high school, I worked as a swine waste management specialist. That’s right, I scooped the poop on a hog farm! One winter I was tasked with cleaning out a trailer that had recently transported some pigs. I knew that the manure would eventually end up in one of the fields, so I drove the truck and trailer out to the field. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I had failed to take into consideration the fact that although the air temperature was below freezing, and the ground was still soft. I drove that truck out into the field only to very quickly find that I was stuck. I tried to work my way out of the mud, but was only able to make a deeper rut. 

I was stuck and it seemed like there was no hope of getting out. 

In our journey to Reclaim our lives from pornography, we can also feel like we are stuck in a rut with no way to get out. I’ve been there, recently in fact. I was stuck in a rut and wasn’t making progress, yet God through his grace helped me find a path forward. 

 A number of things can lead to feeling stuck. Long-term porn use can lead to some ruts in our brains. When we are triggered by something, our automatic responses take over. If we have developed a habit of turning to porn, then that is the path our brains will naturally follow. Sometimes these ruts get so deep that something as simple as sitting in a certain chair or finding yourself alone at a certain time can lead down this well-worn path. If you are early on in your recovery, you will likely have to deal with some of these ruts. 

We can also get into other types of ruts. Maybe we discover an unprotected device and instead of taking action to quickly remove that temptation, we allow it to linger for a period of time and find that we are continuing to use it to sin. Maybe we feel like we have been fighting against this sin for so long, we simply feel exhausted, and we begin to give in out of desperation. Maybe we are in a rut because we have entered into an extremely difficult season of life, and porn offers a means of coping with the stress and unwanted emotions. 

No matter why we are in a rut we must remember the promises of God. He will not leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5). He will provide us a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). His grace is sufficient for us and his power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). We can do all things through Him who gives us strength (Phil. 4:13). God is with you even when you feel stuck. And God will provide you with what you need to be free. 

What can we do to work with God to get out of a rut? 

1. Change Things Up 

If water always drips in the same spot, eventually it will wear it away, creating a rut. It is the repetition that makes the rut deeper and harder to get out of. When it comes to our recovery we might make the mistake of continuing to try to same tactics over and over again in hopes that someday the results will be different. Maybe you have tried time and time again to break free from pornography with little to show for it. It might be time for you to change things up. 

Maybe you need to adopt some new routines and habits. Ask yourself, what helps and what hinders your progress?  Be willing to make the changes that are needed. Maybe it’s time for you to revisit some things like your mission statement, your motivations, or your triggers. Maybe you need to rewrite them, update them, or just refamiliarize yourself with them. If you are in a rut, don’t just keep spinning your tires, instead be creative and find some new or forgotten strategies. 

 2. Give Help to Others 

Something that has been extremely effective for me is helping other guys in our community. I found myself in a rut of motivation. I was having a very difficult time wanting to continue to live a porn-free life. I kept doing a lot of the right things, but I didn’t really want to. One of the major things that snapped me out of it was taking the time to talk with a brother in Christ during his time of need. While he was feeling tempted to give in, I found myself sharing with him dozens of reasons why he should not. Listening to him in the midst of his struggle, I was reminded of my own pain and shame that so often comes from giving in. Listening to him, I was able to see more clearly the lies of Satan. 

When we shift the focus off of ourselves and onto others, we can often find what we need to get out of our rut.

3. Receive Help From Others 

When I was stuck in the mud at the pig farm, I had to ultimately call my boss and tell him that I couldn’t get out. The reality is, sometimes we need to be the one to help others, and sometimes we need to be the one to receive help. The lessons that we learn in the Reclaimed journey our invaluable, but I can guarantee that they will not be effective if they are separated from community. We need each other. 

One of the things that makes such a difference for me in my recovery is the fact that I had other men around me with who I can share my struggles and my weakness. They can offer advice and see things I don’t see, and they can empathize when I feel stuck. If you are feeling stuck, please reach out to someone in the community. 

I cannot end without discussing the importance of going to God for help. If you are stuck, don’t forget to “draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Heb. 4:16) Ask God not just for help in getting out of the rut, but also for clarity into how you got there and why you stay God is with you and God will help you!